17. Fingernail and Big Cheese University

Fig 17-1: University of Cochin-Santa Cruz

This picture goes out to the absurdly long list of people that I know who have attended, are currently attending, or may someday attend the University of California-Santa Cruz.

What is it about Santa Cruz that attracts the kind of people that I'm acquainted with? I hesitate to speculate, but I can only guess that it has something to do with the school's longstanding reputation for academic excellence in all areas. If, by chance, it had something to do with the way that the school's name sounded, then you all might want to consider saving some money, and direct your grad school applications to the humble Santa Cruz College (Fig. 17-1) in Fort Cochin, Kerala instead.

Not-so-confidential to Big Cheese and Fingernail:
If you really want the double major, you're going to have to convince them that you've left your party animal ways behind. If that doesn't work, then I say it's time to let me pull some of the Don King maneuvers that I've promised with your academic career; we'll get you the fight that you want.