12. CONFESSIONS: Part 1 and Part 2

Fig. 12-1: Self Portrait with Christmas Lights, Varkala Beach

PART ONE:
1. I wear sandals everyday. If I'm not wearing sandals, I'm wearing flip-flops. If I'm not wearing sandals or flip-flops? Odds are good that I'm in the ocean, or else sleeping.

2. I wear my key to our padlock (our only door lock in most places) on a piece of string around my neck. Jecca informs me that this makes me either look like a frat boy or like I’m in the army. I found the piece of string in the sand somewhere between our beach hut in Palolem Beach, and the ocean. It could have come from anywhere. Clean? If it ever was, it's not anymore. Sharp looking? You better believe that it's not.

3. I wear linen pants most of the time. If not, then my pants are light cotton or (in a major city) blue jeans. Regardless of which pair of these I'm wearing, more often than not, I roll them up way too far, giving off the unmistakable impression that I am wearing clam diggers. Clam diggers. I'm not kidding, nor am I proud, but it keeps the cuffs from getting wet, and I am on vacation, so what the hell.

4. I am nearly incapable of taking my own advice when it comes to both itching bug bites and dealing with peeling sunburn. This is simply one of my deficiencies as a person, and I can accept that, even if my poor shoulders cannot.

5. I forgot to take my Mefloquine on Monday. I took it on Tuesday instead. To my knowledge, I don't have malaria yet.

6. Sometimes I forget to keep my mouth shut in the shower, sometimes I forget to keep my eyes closed in the shower, and one time, I accidentally brushed my teeth with tap water. I have yet to get sick, which means that I am either hearty, lucky, or both. I do not want to get sick, but I will more than happily write all about it when I eventually do. If I’m too ill to do it myself, then I’m sure that Jecca will do me that justice.

7. It can be assumed, by the way that bars and restaurants here name themselves, that the tourist industry here either doesn’t have a handle on subtlety, or doesn’t trust the intelligence of its clientele. This means that, in pursuit of things to do after the sun goes down, we have subjected ourselves to the following not-so-subtly named places:

• The Laughing Buddha, Palolem Beach: The name says it all, really: you couldn't turn anywhere without making a friend (the kind of friend that they taught us to avoid in D.A.R.E.).
• Pub World, Bangalore: This over-stylized watering hole boasted four unique bars under one roof (a Wild West Saloon, Manhattan Cocktail Bar, German Beer Hall, and English Pub), though it came off more like a forgotten T.G.I. Fridays of the future, and in the end, just seemed like a normal bar with a badly confused interior.
• The Funky Art Cafe, North Cliff Varkala Beach: Possibly winning the award for the worst name, considering that it’s not a horrible place; we’ve spent a couple of nights here watching the lights off fishing boats way out at sea, though it’s exciting name seems to have made it the hotspot in this little beach community. It packs tourists in at such an alarming rate some nights that we’ve mostly opted for other more nameless places along the cliff.
  

8. We haven't been anywhere but this beach since February started. Yesterday, we redecorated our little room so that now there's a table set up in the middle of the room for playing cards and Scrabble, under which we can stack the pile of books that we're working on reading.

9. If I don't leave the computer right now, I'm going to miss the sunset.

PART TWO:
1. There isn't really a part two: I just liked the title. Shout out to Usher.